Drinks and Memories [Closed]

There was a soft sigh from Hosa as she leaned against the bar counter, a half-empty bottle of beer in her hand as she lazily swirled it around. She sat in the far chair, deep in the back of the bar as she listening to the faint talking from the other patrons as she simply...Sat there, lost in thought. It wasn't her normal hangout, often she would simply drink at home when she did feel like losing herself in a bottle but she had been passing by the bar and...It just felt like one of these days and it just felt easier to stop in and pay then head the rest of the way home sober. It wasn't the most glamorous look for a primary school teacher but to her, drinking was a rare treat...Saved best for when the days felt heavy and it was best to lose herself than stew in her own thoughts.

Sadly, the beer hadn't kicked in just yet so she wasn't pass that point.

The week had been nothing short of shit. The guardians had found very little about their shooter, and even less about the people protesting--who all seemed to vanish into thin air soon afterward. Leo's biggest worry wasn't his life on the line, it was his son's who was too impulsive to realize that it was his life on the line too after chasing down the shooter. A dark look crossed his face as he entered the bar--the blood on his son's face haunted him. It wasn't Shepard's blood at least, but the unreadable look on his face caused too much worry in Leo.

The job itself was perfect, a dream. Nate had prepared him well for the job, Leo knew what he was doing. In fact, he also delegated a few other jobs to Sam to give him some work to do. He seemed pleased that Leo trusted him with something. The thought of his beaming friend caused a slight upturn to his frown. At least there was some good happening at the moment.

With a deep sigh, the blond plopped himself onto the stool. Nothing too strong, he wasn't a heavy drinker. Hell, generally he didn't drink. But there were times where it just felt fitting. A glass was set in front of him, and the blond turned to watch the broadcast on the screen in front of him, not noticing his friend at his side.

Hosa's gaze had snapped up at the sound of footsteps approaching, a natural curiosity that had turned into shock and almost panic at seeing the familiar face of Leo. She ceased her absentmindedly swirling of her drink, letting the bottle slide slightly in her grasp as she lowered it to the table but...As the Headmaster of Beata sat down next to her, he said nothing. Instead, his face looked lost in thought like hers had been.

The teacher sat there for a few seconds as Leo ordered, her gaze shifting down the beer bottle in her hand as she started to question what her options was. There was a chance she could get up and sneak out without drawing attention to herself, Leo seemed pretty lost in his own head but if she was caught, would it be awkward? This was already awkward enough, she had made a point effort to avoid her old friends after she returned to Rivers Point. At least when it wasn't in a profession setting, it was just easier to...

She drifted off in her own thoughts, staring down at her beer before she sighed, lowering her head. She sat there, her forehead resting on the tip of the bottle as she just...Thought. Finally, Leo's drink was slid over to him but the angel made no move to leave and Hosa realized she was trapped. She lifted her head, running a hand to remove what liquid stuck to her forehead before she cleared her throat with a slight smile. She...Didn't want to do this, but what else was there to do? It was very unlikely that Leo would somehow completely fail to notice her, they had been good friends before everything happened...

"Mr. Herman," she said, automatically falling into her professional state of mind before she winced. No...It was easier to put up when doing a teacher - parent meeting but in a bar...It would be easy to see that it forced, that it was a front. She corrected herself with a slight, very soft sigh. "Leo, its...Odd to run into you here. Didn't think you were the type to be seen in a bar," she said as she turned in her seat to face him, brushing a lock of hair out of her face. "But...I suppose with recent events, I can't say I am very surprised."

Leo barely blinked out of his trance state, he knew that voice by heart. Tilting his head to the side, blue eyes widened to see Hosa taking occupancy a few chairs over. His mouth was opened to correct her on calling him 'Mr. Herman'. That sounded more like his dad's name than his own. Yet, she corrected herself. A slight, nearly sad smile crossed his face. "I could say the same about you, Hosa. He placed the drink down on the coaster, letting the condensation on the glass slip down. "I don't normally drink, but sometimes..." The angel trailed off with a shrug, shutting off an alert from his unity link with a flip of his wrist. Leo had taken time to have urgent messages be in a different tone, so if they really need to get a hold of him they can.

With a tilted head, Leo adjusted his seat. "How are you holding up?"

Hosa's gaze flickered down to her drink, gently swirling the glass as she watched the alcoholic turn into a tiny whirlpool. She gave a soft shrug as he turned the question back on her, but she should have known better. He was too kind to keep the focus on himself...He was worried about her, wasn't he? There was little doubt that so many of her old friends were after what happened fifteen years ago. She didn't have to look far on his face to see it, and so she kept her gaze focused on her drink as she stopped the swirling to take a sip.

"I've...Been doing my best to keep things normal, for the kids' sakes. They are far to young to have witnessed something as...Terrible as what happened. Its a relief that nobody -" she winced at that, suddenly remembering from reports that the shooter hadn't been so lucky. "...That almost nobody was hurt. I doubt so many of them have put together the gravity of what nearly happened..." she sighed as she gently placed her cup on her coaster, leaning forward as she ran a finger across the lid. "Part of me wishes I had been there to comfort those who needed it but I also fear of how I would have reacted..."

She doubted that was the answer Leo had been seeking. After all, the recent events weren't the cause of her drinking. It had just...Brought up things she would have rather kept buried which had caused her to say 'fuck it' early and stop in at the bar instead of waiting to drown her sorrows in the comfort of her own home. But...She had spent so many years avoiding the truth. Keeping it buried. It seemed better that way, better to not burden anybody else with it. Leo was sweet in his worry, but she was thankful that he knew better to push most of the time...But yet as she took another sip, she quietly questioned if it was truly better for herself this way.

Leo didn't respond for some time, closing his eyes as he rolled her words over in his head. He himself had been at the receiving end of the gun, and according to Mason, so had Shepard. His own son running after the man who had sought to kill Leo. Yet Hosa's answer didn't seem to subdue his worries for her well being. "Maybe it is a good thing they don't realize the true gravity. Let them keep their innocence for as long as they can." Blue eyes opened, peering down at his drink. Gently he placed the cup down on the coaster. A single finger wiped condensation from the glass and looked back at his dear friend.

Her last sentence, in particular, worried him. "This," The headmaster began, watching her stare at the glass. "isn't about what happened the other day. Is it?" Anything that really drove Hosa to drink was not something he would let go unchecked.

There was a point to his words - it was better the young kids didn't fully understand how terrible the world was...But she was left to worry what would happen if those reasonable were not found, that the children's worldview would be shattered in another similar attack...It was always smart to treat a young child like an adult, not to baby them and treat them as any lesser but this was such a delicate subject... She sighed, resting her chin on one of her hands as she swirled around her beer bottle.

When Leo spoke again, a soft laugh escaped from Hosa - unexpected but she didn't fight it. The angel had an keen mind, didn't he? She knew this was how things were going to go - she could try to deny it but he was worried about her and...Well. She gave a half-heartily shrug of her shoulders, taking a long sip from her beer before she sat it down with a clink and stared at the headmaster. "...Of course not, Leo. Maybe it played a part but..." she drifted off, a painful look flashing over her face as she fought internally about how much to say. She had spent years hiding the truth, did she want it to come out so quickly? There was a comfort in Leo's presence that she couldn't deny, but how would he react to the truth?

"...Unsavory memories have a way to keep coming up, don't they?" Hosa mused, knowing damn-well that part of it was her fault. She wouldn't let herself forget what she had done - she couldn't. She had...She had something that she could never forgive herself for, to let herself forget what she could do. Her expression darken as she finally let go of her beer bottle and folded her hands together. "...Tell me, Leo, would you ever go back and undo a...Mistake you unknowingly made in the heat of the moment? Even if what would transpire from changing that choice is unknown and could end with your..." she drifted off, not sure if she had to even add the final word to get the point across. "Because I have thought about it and what terrifies me is that I don't know what choice I would make - to do what I did again even with all the heartache that followed or...If I would allow myself to..." the word didn't come, instead she was lost in thought as the same moment replayed in her head again.

She wasn't sure. How could she not be sure? They had always said that killing was fine in self-defense and yet...

She wasn't sure if she had the willing choice, she would have saved her own life.

Leo watched her carefully, admiring her strength to keep talking despite how much it hurt. Though, what kind of mistake? Killing people to defend Beata fifteen years ago? Sacrificing their life to ensure others would keep theirs? The angel was not keen on killing others, and often in those days since he woke up in a cold sweat after seeing the glassy eyes of the people he killed. But seeing the children now. Alive in a thriving city, he couldn't bring himself to regret it. Because there was no way around it. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that he would let people come in and kill people he loved merely because Leo himself did not want to kill them.

Though, he did not voice his thoughts. Instead, he considered his words to Hosa soon after she fell silent. "Hosa," He said, leaning in to watch her face as he spoke. "I don't know what you had to do. I don't know what you had to sacrifice. But, you are an amazing person who knows what is right. Even if you don't think so right now. You have empathy for your enemies, which makes you strong." He paused for a long moment, breathing. "But your choices have been made, and you have to live with them. There is no going back. And, for the future's sake, that's okay. You are here now. you are loved despite any action you have done." He placed a caring hand on her shoulder. Never looking away.

Hosa's expression grew dark as he spoke, wanting to deny what he was saying. He didn't know - he didn't know that she killed...That it wasn't even her...She listened to his words, her gaze flickering up from her drink to stare into his eyes. A soft sigh escaped her as he finished, wanting to look away as she spoke but held herself back - held his gaze. "I...I lost control," she said softly, her hands tightening around her drink. "Fifteen years ago, during the battle of Beata, in a fight to the death against..." she drifted off there, unable to admit what he was to her - her half-brother "I lost control, Leo, and the next thing I knew I had killed my attacker. It wasn't even my choice. " she stressed, her voice cracking as she finally was forced to turn her gaze away.

"For all of my power, for all that I can do with my Gift...I can't control it, not always, even at the best of my ability. Instincts...They get the better of us and mine...Mine are wild, natural...Predatory. I know it was my life or his but...I only wish it would have been my choice. But it only proves what I knew, and what he had told me." Tears started to run down her cheeks as she bowed her head, her whole body shaking with a barely controlled fit of sobs. "I'm a predator...I'm a monster. I couldn't be a guardian anymore - not when I could lose control when it matters the most! Not when its the very creatures we fight is what my body defaults to when I...How could I ever fight again?"

Leo let her finish, blue eyes watching her with utmost patience. His face slackened as she broke into sobs, Leo perching himself closer, taking his other hand to slowly brush away her tears. "I won't ever tell you that you are wrong for feeling the way you feel." Dropping his other hand to hold both shoulders, he continued, voice level. "That being said, I want you to know that you are not a monster for defending yourself. Things happen that we cannot explain, and when life is on the line, we take actions without thinking because we have no time to think."

Leo ducked his head so he could look her in the eye, searching her gaze defiantly, "Well, resignation not accepted, Hosa." His voice shifted to the leader tone that he held when on the job, usually commanding respect from others.  "I do not know a kinder person who genuinely cares about other people. This isn't about predators or prey, this is about you. We may shift into other beings, but I am no angel. I make mistakes. You shift into other animals, but you are not some predator." He said, brows meeting. "You are my friend, a valuable and loving guardian who looks out for others. A kind person. You are Hosa. "

Somehow, Leo continued. "Learning about our powers does not stop after we graduate from Beata. It continues for the rest of our lives. Hosa, you are no more of a danger than I am."